I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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