Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
