So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
