i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
