ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
