Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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