The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
