How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
