thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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