So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
