and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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