the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize