Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
