It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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