I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
