At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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