Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
