i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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