This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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