Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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