no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
