just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize