I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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