She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize