So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
