ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
