Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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