last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
