Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
