my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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