Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
