My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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