so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize