i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
