My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
