your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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