He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
