hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
