im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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