My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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