Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
