just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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