Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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