that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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