I accidentally burped into my bong.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
