pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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