I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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