I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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