Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
