her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
