PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
