Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
