I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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