Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize