I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
