my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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