So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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