i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
