I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
