I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
