And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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