My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
