I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
