Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
