now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
