jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
