I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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