I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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