My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
