mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
